Rekker has to try not to choke on his coffee at the comment. "I am insane. Everyone knows it."
He could joke about his mental health, usually did. In this case it was applicable because some of this was happening because the Brit lacked a lot of his sense of self preservation.
"Everyone needs adrenaline. Where do you get yours?" Now Rekker is curious since anything remotely fun or high intensity felt off the table for Isamu.
The only saving grace of this conversation was that at least this was one bout of insanity Minoru wouldn't be getting mixed up in. At least, not the racing part of it. He wasn’t taking the car, which wasn’t built for racing in the slightest. He didn’t own a bike. And he could never keep up on foot, and likely would not make an attempt on skateboard.
He’d learn about Ollie soon enough. And plant his face squarely into his own palm…
“In the laboratory. In the library. Wherever I happen to be the moment my research leads to a breakthrough.” He replied. “It is exceedingly rewarding, though I would not go so far as to classify it as dopaminergic.”
"Writing music is an adrenaline surge sometimes." Rekker could imagine there might be some correlation between a recording studio or writing lyrics to working in a laboratory. "It's nothing like being on stage."
The turn in conversation was a pleasant one. He considered the topic while slowly eating. "Music therapy; writing, playing and sometimes listening alleviate a lot of my depression symptoms. It's one of the reasons I was eager to join the tour."
Sure, tours got crazy but a daily or every few day surge in adrenaline and dopamine did wonders for his mental health.
There certainly was. For Isamu, the closest feeling to being on stage would probably be the excitement and satisfaction of having one of his papers published. It was more than rewarding enough to make up for weeks, sometimes months, of research, writing and countless revisions.
“Given those specific conditions, it does appear to be an environment in which you are already set up for success.” Isamu nodded. “While I cannot make a direct comparison, as I do not need to alleviate depressive symptoms, in some ways, moving to the Nexus was, for me, what joining the Ziggy Stardust tour was, for you. An opportunity to increase those most rewarding experiences.”
The work he’d done at IRIS was well beyond that which a traditional Ph.D. program in his home world could provide. He had more freedom, more access, more opportunities to make bigger and bolder discoveries.
"Usually, successful." More so now that he was older and didn't fall for some of the more negative aspects of fame. "Music helps me survive but I almost refused the tour."
He wasn't going to say much more on the subject though he suspected Isamu might know more than the others since his twin was close to Ziggy. The mental illness he carried around wasn't exactly healthy for Antheans, though Bjorn, with all his madness, helped alleviate that strain for both red-heads.
"It'll be good for all of us to be back in the stage."
Rekker took a bite of food while thinking how he should reply. Surely, Minoru knew what Ziggy was if they were lovers and his brother. Rekker took a breath after swallowing.
"I'm an anxiety ridden, self-loathing, suicidal depressive with panic attacks." Rekker shrugged and let out a breath. "Do you know what my presence is like for Ziggy?"
He left that hanging without clarity because he figured the response would answer the question about how much Isamu knew about Ziggy.
Rekker’s assumptions were correct. Minoru knew, quite intimately, what Ziggy was. And as the brother of an alien’s boyfriend and friend of the Stardust household, Isamu was very much in the know. But at the same time, he was also trying to discern exactly what Rekker knew - especially before saying anything that could lead to trouble.
He really didn’t want to make any more trouble with Ziggy…
“Enough to assume that neither Ziggy, nor Tom for that matter, would have likely offered your band a spot on the tour if they felt he was unable to cope with your presence. In one form or another.”
It wouldn’t have surprised Isamu if the cocaine use increased whenever Rekker was nearby. To even things out. (Oh, to be able to study the pharmacodynamics there… one of the many curiosities Isamu had about Antheans.)
"I grew up with Tom." Rekker laughed because he had memories of that time which were amusing. His own temper clashing with Tom's notoriously bad temper had nearly driven his brother crazy in a way that only people who were like three brothers could.
"I've recovered enough in the past few years." He finally mentions but there had been worry at first. Rekker supposed that Ziggy had also improved over time. The teenage personality that had been there when they first met had matured which had to make Rekker's emotions easier to deal with.
"He used to tell me I felt like a graveyard in a hurricane." Which was both an amazingly metal description and an accurate one for his mindset when they met.
The pieces clicked together and suddenly, Isamu looked up. “Oh! Yes, that is right. Robert is your brother! Of course, you have known Tom and his family for a quite some time. And have likely amassed quite a number of interesting anecdotes, if your expression there is any indication.”
Ziggy’s comment on what Rekker felt like, Isamu decided, was better left alone. It was a very powerful metaphor of death and destruction, a paradoxical stillness surrounded by a maelstrom. But he wasn’t sure whether that was better or worse than being compared to the monstrous bastards who vivisected Mister Newton…
Rekker started to laugh. "Tom and I got along like gasoline and matches. I did everything I could to mess with him. It drove Robert crazy because he's so placid and we're both hot headed." That was probably an understatement, though both men had calmed significantly with age the tempers remained. Luckily for everyone on the tour they no longer turned on each other so often.
Rekker accepted his mental state. He was a stormy man, obsessed with death sometimes, and unpredictable. However, it might sound to others he saw no insult in how Ziggy experienced his presence. Isamu as correct in identifying the calm Rekker usually presented, watchful but very easy to stir up. "My brother is Ziggy's godfather."
Which made Rekker family but he easily fell into the presence of the crazy uncle anyway, even with the other young band members.
His attention was firmly on Rekker now, and Isamu paid little attention to the data simulations running on the laptop next to him. His eyes widened. “Given the dynamics of many on the tour, it sounds as though apples do not fall far from their trees.”
It wasn’t a true generational divide. But thinking of Tom and Rekker getting into the same kind of hothead mischief that he recorded during his study was somewhat amusing.
“Godfather?” He tilted his head curiously. “Is that in a secular or religious sense?”
"Tom and I aren't related." Rekker points out while still drinking coffee between sentences. "My brother and I are opposite."
Rekker's behavior was quite opposite to Robert's eternal calm and cool collectiveness. Though, as Joe had learned, if you pushed Robert far enough he had a temper as bad as the redhead. Robert's calm was part of what lead to Tom and Rekker no longer fighting so often.
He has to think about the question Isamu posed. "It might be religious for Tom but my brother takes it as a secular... military duty." Rekker changed his mind on the words because it was a precise and defensive mindset Robert had about Ziggy.
“Neither are most of the band members, but there is a kind of familial bond between them nonetheless. The comparison is based more on behavior than on blood.” Isamu noted.
He’d long seen his friend Tom as the cool and collected one, exasperated at worst, but not anywhere near as hot-headed or volatile as the younger musicians. It was somewhat amusing to think of how he might have been when he was younger, or how some of the crazier band members might be when they are older.
“A more protective role...” He found himself nodding.
Rekker nodded to his misunderstanding of what Isamu meant. "I'm the crazy uncle."
He'd heard it more than once from the younger musicians and thought it was fun and applicable. Isamu has just been spared seeing older Tom lose his temper. It was rare but Rekker had heard about the flowers and Tom breaking up Viktor and Rik fighting almost a year ago.
"My brother took a bullet for Ziggy." He wasn't sure if that was widely known but Rekker respected his brother's bravery.
Indeed, Isamu saw Tom as the calculated scientist and savvy business manager. (Minoru, on the other hand, had caught a few glimpses of Tom’s temper, but that usually involved being bailed out of jail. Or something else that just went too damn far.)
“Took a bullet for Ziggy?” Isamu repeated, recalling Ziggy’s own admission that this world was not a safe place, even without his alien heritage being suspected. His eyes fell. His voice quieted as he added, “That is an story I have not yet heard.”
Rekker nodded and thought it wouldn't hurt to tell him. Much of it had been in this world's newspapers so it wasn't hidden.
"After Ziggy's first band busted up his hands Tom asked Robert to come out of retirement to be security and the driver." He thought maybe Isamu would know that part but mentioned it just in case. "A few months later they were were heading back to the limo and a person came out of the crowd and started shooting. Ziggy was hit twice and my brother once while trying to cover Ziggy and Tom."
Rekker didn't know how to feel about it happening but he knew that was his brother after all the military training. "Most of us have had encounters with someone trying to harm us. I didn't much before but I probably will too once people realize who I'm dating."
Isamu knew of the crushed hands. He had heard references made to various shootings, and even a couple of attempts, but not with that much detail. Not enough to know who else was with Ziggy at the time, or that anyone else had been shot at the same time.
“I see…” he nodded thoughtfully, respectfully. “For that to be the case, who are you dating?”
He's glad the conversation about the old injury to his brother. He worried about him sometimes when he was working.
"Bjorn." He's wondering if it will be surprising to Isamu as much as it has some others. "He says it's better in his country but in L.A. it's already causing problems."
He did not know many of the band members as well as his brother did. But he recognized the name as one of them… the singer of one of the other acts on the tour. But the point of the matter was probably less about that and more about Bjorn being male.
“I keep needing to remind myself how different our worlds are in regards to the acceptance of same sex couples. It is baffling, honestly, how such a thing could be seen as unnatural or even the least bit offensive.”
"It's more than that." Though, definitely being seen as a straight male who dated beautiful women all of his career made it hard for people to accept he had a pretty man now.
"He's almost twenty years younger which brings up old rumors and shit I thought I was done with." Rekker's expression was more exasperated than angry at this point. "In L.A. our music genres are at each other's throats. They turn on us, we beat them up. It's been that way for years and now I've crossed that line too."
Rekker thought the music scene rift being turned on its head was amusing more than anything else. He could laugh about the ridiculousness of it all though he had personal dislikes of the glam scene in L.A. that he wasn't going to mention to anyone.
"That is a fairly significant age difference. It likely poses its own set of challenges- with or without rumors that I have never heard." he noted. "Though, I must admit I do not understand the musical rivalry."
"I retired to a private music teacher for the deaf and hearing impaired, by chance most of my students are young women." Rekker had intentionally learned to teach music to the deaf but the young women had simply happened. "The questions about my appropriateness with young people is out again because some people think Bjorn is 16 or 18 or whatever."
Which annoyed Rekker to no end. He was a lot of things and many of them he wouldn't even argue with but this one got under his skin in a bad way. It showed in the nervous tick that started with his fingers drumming on the table.
"Glam is soft, feminine and Speed is aggressive and masculine." The reasons were deeper but this was a quick and dirty explanation. "I have some long standing issues with a few bands in the local glam scene after putting them in the hospital."
They deserved it and that past had caused strife between him and Bjorn at first that almost turned to a physical fight rather than a verbal one. The two getting together hadn't been smooth or calm. They still had moments of flaring up at each other over behavior but it was subdued rather than the initial aggression.
“I do not know how old Bjorn is specifically. However, I was under the impression that most of the musicians are around our age.” He gestured to himself, making it clearer that he meant he and Minoru’s age, not he and the older Rekker. “At least in their early to mid twenties, even if they appear younger.”
In other words, the rumors were surely wrong. Though, getting people to believe that was another story.
“Were music genres monarchies, some would think a union such as yours would mark the end of an era of conflict, not the beginning of an even greater one.” He shook his head. “However, feudal-era diplomacy is admittedly not my forte.”
"Twenty five." Though admittedly he looked younger. "A couple are 19 or 20, I think."
Rekker didn't keep track of thier ages but he knew from the teasing among band members that a few were on the younger end of things.
Isamu's description of the conflict got a full laugh from the Brit. Not only was it funny but something he and Bjorn had talked about. "I'm the King of Speed out here and make a lot of the custom guitars. Not everyone is happy I've kidnapped a princess from our enemies."
While this is humorous and sarcastic the sentiment might not be fr off from the way he and Bjorn were stirring up thier respective music communities.
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carisma_sensei
no subject
Date: 2022-01-22 03:20 pm (UTC)He could joke about his mental health, usually did. In this case it was applicable because some of this was happening because the Brit lacked a lot of his sense of self preservation.
"Everyone needs adrenaline. Where do you get yours?" Now Rekker is curious since anything remotely fun or high intensity felt off the table for Isamu.
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Date: 2022-01-22 04:50 pm (UTC)He’d learn about Ollie soon enough. And plant his face squarely into his own palm…
“In the laboratory. In the library. Wherever I happen to be the moment my research leads to a breakthrough.” He replied. “It is exceedingly rewarding, though I would not go so far as to classify it as dopaminergic.”
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Date: 2022-01-24 02:17 am (UTC)The turn in conversation was a pleasant one. He considered the topic while slowly eating. "Music therapy; writing, playing and sometimes listening alleviate a lot of my depression symptoms. It's one of the reasons I was eager to join the tour."
Sure, tours got crazy but a daily or every few day surge in adrenaline and dopamine did wonders for his mental health.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-24 12:47 pm (UTC)“Given those specific conditions, it does appear to be an environment in which you are already set up for success.” Isamu nodded. “While I cannot make a direct comparison, as I do not need to alleviate depressive symptoms, in some ways, moving to the Nexus was, for me, what joining the Ziggy Stardust tour was, for you. An opportunity to increase those most rewarding experiences.”
The work he’d done at IRIS was well beyond that which a traditional Ph.D. program in his home world could provide. He had more freedom, more access, more opportunities to make bigger and bolder discoveries.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-27 12:29 am (UTC)He wasn't going to say much more on the subject though he suspected Isamu might know more than the others since his twin was close to Ziggy. The mental illness he carried around wasn't exactly healthy for Antheans, though Bjorn, with all his madness, helped alleviate that strain for both red-heads.
"It'll be good for all of us to be back in the stage."
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Date: 2022-01-27 06:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-29 11:59 pm (UTC)"I'm an anxiety ridden, self-loathing, suicidal depressive with panic attacks." Rekker shrugged and let out a breath. "Do you know what my presence is like for Ziggy?"
He left that hanging without clarity because he figured the response would answer the question about how much Isamu knew about Ziggy.
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Date: 2022-01-30 01:39 pm (UTC)He really didn’t want to make any more trouble with Ziggy…
“Enough to assume that neither Ziggy, nor Tom for that matter, would have likely offered your band a spot on the tour if they felt he was unable to cope with your presence. In one form or another.”
It wouldn’t have surprised Isamu if the cocaine use increased whenever Rekker was nearby. To even things out. (Oh, to be able to study the pharmacodynamics there… one of the many curiosities Isamu had about Antheans.)
no subject
Date: 2022-02-11 04:59 am (UTC)"I've recovered enough in the past few years." He finally mentions but there had been worry at first. Rekker supposed that Ziggy had also improved over time. The teenage personality that had been there when they first met had matured which had to make Rekker's emotions easier to deal with.
"He used to tell me I felt like a graveyard in a hurricane." Which was both an amazingly metal description and an accurate one for his mindset when they met.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-12 03:09 am (UTC)Ziggy’s comment on what Rekker felt like, Isamu decided, was better left alone. It was a very powerful metaphor of death and destruction, a paradoxical stillness surrounded by a maelstrom. But he wasn’t sure whether that was better or worse than being compared to the monstrous bastards who vivisected Mister Newton…
no subject
Date: 2022-02-12 03:50 am (UTC)Rekker accepted his mental state. He was a stormy man, obsessed with death sometimes, and unpredictable. However, it might sound to others he saw no insult in how Ziggy experienced his presence. Isamu as correct in identifying the calm Rekker usually presented, watchful but very easy to stir up. "My brother is Ziggy's godfather."
Which made Rekker family but he easily fell into the presence of the crazy uncle anyway, even with the other young band members.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-12 01:22 pm (UTC)It wasn’t a true generational divide. But thinking of Tom and Rekker getting into the same kind of hothead mischief that he recorded during his study was somewhat amusing.
“Godfather?” He tilted his head curiously. “Is that in a secular or religious sense?”
no subject
Date: 2022-02-13 06:33 pm (UTC)Rekker's behavior was quite opposite to Robert's eternal calm and cool collectiveness. Though, as Joe had learned, if you pushed Robert far enough he had a temper as bad as the redhead. Robert's calm was part of what lead to Tom and Rekker no longer fighting so often.
He has to think about the question Isamu posed. "It might be religious for Tom but my brother takes it as a secular... military duty." Rekker changed his mind on the words because it was a precise and defensive mindset Robert had about Ziggy.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-13 08:14 pm (UTC)He’d long seen his friend Tom as the cool and collected one, exasperated at worst, but not anywhere near as hot-headed or volatile as the younger musicians. It was somewhat amusing to think of how he might have been when he was younger, or how some of the crazier band members might be when they are older.
“A more protective role...” He found himself nodding.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-13 08:35 pm (UTC)He'd heard it more than once from the younger musicians and thought it was fun and applicable. Isamu has just been spared seeing older Tom lose his temper. It was rare but Rekker had heard about the flowers and Tom breaking up Viktor and Rik fighting almost a year ago.
"My brother took a bullet for Ziggy." He wasn't sure if that was widely known but Rekker respected his brother's bravery.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-13 09:03 pm (UTC)“Took a bullet for Ziggy?” Isamu repeated, recalling Ziggy’s own admission that this world was not a safe place, even without his alien heritage being suspected. His eyes fell. His voice quieted as he added, “That is an story I have not yet heard.”
no subject
Date: 2022-02-13 09:44 pm (UTC)"After Ziggy's first band busted up his hands Tom asked Robert to come out of retirement to be security and the driver." He thought maybe Isamu would know that part but mentioned it just in case. "A few months later they were were heading back to the limo and a person came out of the crowd and started shooting. Ziggy was hit twice and my brother once while trying to cover Ziggy and Tom."
Rekker didn't know how to feel about it happening but he knew that was his brother after all the military training. "Most of us have had encounters with someone trying to harm us. I didn't much before but I probably will too once people realize who I'm dating."
no subject
Date: 2022-02-13 10:18 pm (UTC)“I see…” he nodded thoughtfully, respectfully. “For that to be the case, who are you dating?”
no subject
Date: 2022-02-13 11:01 pm (UTC)"Bjorn." He's wondering if it will be surprising to Isamu as much as it has some others. "He says it's better in his country but in L.A. it's already causing problems."
no subject
Date: 2022-02-13 11:27 pm (UTC)“I keep needing to remind myself how different our worlds are in regards to the acceptance of same sex couples. It is baffling, honestly, how such a thing could be seen as unnatural or even the least bit offensive.”
no subject
Date: 2022-02-13 11:34 pm (UTC)"He's almost twenty years younger which brings up old rumors and shit I thought I was done with." Rekker's expression was more exasperated than angry at this point. "In L.A. our music genres are at each other's throats. They turn on us, we beat them up. It's been that way for years and now I've crossed that line too."
Rekker thought the music scene rift being turned on its head was amusing more than anything else. He could laugh about the ridiculousness of it all though he had personal dislikes of the glam scene in L.A. that he wasn't going to mention to anyone.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-14 01:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-02-14 02:39 am (UTC)Which annoyed Rekker to no end. He was a lot of things and many of them he wouldn't even argue with but this one got under his skin in a bad way. It showed in the nervous tick that started with his fingers drumming on the table.
"Glam is soft, feminine and Speed is aggressive and masculine." The reasons were deeper but this was a quick and dirty explanation. "I have some long standing issues with a few bands in the local glam scene after putting them in the hospital."
They deserved it and that past had caused strife between him and Bjorn at first that almost turned to a physical fight rather than a verbal one. The two getting together hadn't been smooth or calm. They still had moments of flaring up at each other over behavior but it was subdued rather than the initial aggression.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-14 03:16 am (UTC)In other words, the rumors were surely wrong. Though, getting people to believe that was another story.
“Were music genres monarchies, some would think a union such as yours would mark the end of an era of conflict, not the beginning of an even greater one.” He shook his head. “However, feudal-era diplomacy is admittedly not my forte.”
no subject
Date: 2022-02-14 03:31 am (UTC)Rekker didn't keep track of thier ages but he knew from the teasing among band members that a few were on the younger end of things.
Isamu's description of the conflict got a full laugh from the Brit. Not only was it funny but something he and Bjorn had talked about. "I'm the King of Speed out here and make a lot of the custom guitars. Not everyone is happy I've kidnapped a princess from our enemies."
While this is humorous and sarcastic the sentiment might not be fr off from the way he and Bjorn were stirring up thier respective music communities.
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