What am I doing with my life?

[rage_rekker]

101 Ways to say I love you 54. "No one has ever made me feel like this."



Rekker was holed up in the room he shared with Bjorn while the singer was out practicing and probably drinking by this point in the day. However, the Brit was reeling from his brother’s words a few days ago on the beach. Tomorrow was Valentine’s Day, and he hated the holiday, the same way he hated most holidays. Though, he imagined Bjorn was exactly the opposite and would probably be throwing heart confetti about the room, or something, soon enough.

He was drinking, albeit slowly, while trying to think. He’d pull the box out and then cram it back into his vest pocket only to pull it out a few minutes later. Nothing seemed to be calming him down and his mind kept spiraling on the fact that Bjorn deserved better and probably didn’t even want this. Not that he could do anything meaningful anyway. He threw the empty rocks glass across the room and started drinking directly from the bottle.

Everything was shit. The situation, the world, and his life. The desire to simply walk away and disappear off the face of the Earth was feeling good in the moment. However, he felt chained to the singer. Not chained in a bad way like a prisoner but the feeling was still there. Rekker shoved his hair out of his face to stare at the door. He wanted to see the singer step in and desperately wanted him to stay away. Do it anyway, his brother’s words kept running around and around in his head, even when he got up and started pacing the small hotel room. It wasn’t exactly small, but the caged animal feeling brought on by Rekker’s anxiety caused his perception of it to shrink down.

Grabbing the half empty bottle of whiskey, he headed for the door. Maybe getting away would help, some fresh air. His hand was about to touch the knob when the giggling came from the other side. Rekker instantly panicked as he recognized Bjorn’s giggling. He was going to walk in any moment. The guitarist went sheet white with panic as he took a couple steps back from the door. His heart was racing so fast it felt painful in his chest. He realized this was a full out panic attack and drunk he couldn’t take any medication for it. As his hands went cold, he dropped the bottle and spun around wondering if he could hide which was obviously ridiculous.

He'd never had anyone make him feel like this. The happiness crashing headlong into a caged animal level of anxiety that almost left the ginger feeling faint. That would be his luck, Bjorn walk through the door, and he immediately faints. Turning back toward the door he ran his hands through his hair, terror rising because Bjorn was surely about to come through the door, and he wasn’t ready.

Comments

[metallhuvud]

"Ah!--"

Bjorn gasped when Rekker slapped his ass hard. Just having the ginger Brit treat him roughly caused a lewd moan to slip from his lips as he turned to see Rekker now shirtless. Those muscles---fuck, he looked so hot like that! Giggling, Bjorn then felt the Brit yank his leg so he could pull his boots off.

"Hey, be careful, bastard!"

The Swede was in a fit of giggles because he was loving it. The roughness and also the part that Rekker was feeling better. Was the trashy singer about to get fucked hard? Oh yes. The screaming would soon happen and Bjorn couldn't wait. He turned over onto his back and allowed the Brit to continue stripping him.

[rage_rekker]

"I am." Rekker shot back while tossing the boots aside. "I didn't rip anything off."

Laughing quietly, Rekker grabbed the waist of Bjorn's pants and roughly pulled those off too, though he is careful not to rip them. It left the Swedish singer sprawled out naked on their bed. Rekker paused a moment to admire all the smooth pale skin while tossing the pants aside with the boots.

"You're so fucking hot, whore." Crawling into bed, and aiming to get on top of the singer, the Brit stopped to kiss around his navel and give the soft skin just below a playful nip. Rekker felt high as the reality set in. Bjorn wanted to stay.

[metallhuvud]

"Good because you'll be fucking paying for it again if you do!"

Bjorn soon felt the cool air against his now naked skin as he arched up into that kiss to his navel, thrusting his fingers into that mass of wild ginger hair. Fuck! The nip got a lewd moan out of the trashy Swede who was now hard and aching. He didn't have any body hair to speak of except a thin trail of dark blond hair leading down from his belly button to his pubic hair.

"You're fucking dirty, you greedy ginger asshole."

The Swede then bit Rekker's shoulder, moaning as he then laid back onto the bed, raking his nails down the Brit's back.

[rage_rekker]

Rekker ran his fingers down that trail of hair with a grin.

"I am because you're mine." The Brit can't say anything more because the raking nails pulls a lusty moan from him. Every time the Swedish singer got his nails on the guitarist's skin he couldn't control himself. "You redid your nails."

Rekker could feel when Bjorn had reshaped them. It always made them feel better, sharper, digging into his skin. As soon as he catches his breath Rekker goes back to kissing on Bjorn's skin; down the hip and to the inner thigh. Sure, he's being a tease but Bjorn deserved it for how much he was a tease most days.

[metallhuvud]

"Yeah and don't you fucking know it!"

Bjorn laughed and then nodded. He liked to redo his nails when he got the chance, often painting them with Lars because the tarty drummer liked doing his nails alongside the singer. It was a girly thing to do and Lars was girly like Bjorn. The Swede gasped when he felt Rekker nip at his thigh, causing him to grab some of the ginger's hair and pull roughly.

"I did them a few days ago with Lars. You love it when I file them enough to scratch you."

Raking his nails along Rekker's sides, Bjorn was still elated about getting such a beautiful engagement ring. Fuck! He was going to marry Rekker.

[rage_rekker]

"Your nails feel good." Sure, sometimes he had red, bloody lines on his shoulder but in the moment those nails were erotic enough to pull a gasp from the ginger. He bit a little higher up the thigh.

"You're such a girly bitch." Which was a compliment whispered against the soft pale skin of the Swede's thigh. A light kiss and Rekker glanced up at Bjorn, expression full of mischeviousness. A small pause and then he took the entire length of Bjorn's cock in his mouth and gave it a firm suck. He didn't usually suck cock but Bjorn was his and the desire to do oral on his lover overrode his usual reservations.

[metallhuvud]

"I know. You fucking love me scratching you. Such a dirty bastard---oh!"

Bjorn wasn't expecting Rekker to deep-throat his cock and it caused the trashy singer to gasp and then squeak with pleasure. It had been a while since he'd gotten sucked off and having the ginger's mouth around his throbbing cock felt so good. He wiggled a little and then yanked on Rekker's hair, thrusting into his mouth.

"Fuck, babe!---"

The blond arched up and spread his legs a little further, wondering if Rekker would suck him off to completion.

[rage_rekker]

He was a dirty bastard and tried not to laugh at the reaction. He grabbed on to Bjorn's hips as he squirmed. The way his lover sounded and the arching body kept him going. Pulling back he let out a laugh.

"Are you going to return the favor?" He asked while stroking Bjorn's inner thighs before going back to locking his lover's cock. He needed to get used to this because he was so rarely with a man in his life, and never the bottom.

[metallhuvud]

"For you getting me that fucking expensive sexy ring? Of course."

Bjorn giggled and then reached down to grab Rekker's crotch, squeezing it in his palm. He wanted to suck the ginger off because he knew how much pleasure it gave to him. Also, it was only fair since Rekker had spent so much money on the singer. Maybe too much. But then love was beyond money and trinkets anyway. This was about the two spending their lives together.

"I love you, Rekker Sterling. We can grow old together. I'll be fucking you so much you won't have time to die."

It was a sweet sentiment and the Swede meant it all.

[rage_rekker]

Rekker started laughing and couldn't keep sucking. The sentiment was sweet but the way it was said had him chuckling.

"I hope so." Rekker crawled up to Bjorn and pulled him into a kiss. "I love you. Enough to put up with you for the rest of my life."

It was a sweet response. Not being able to do drugs or drink so much most of his career left Rekker with quite a bit of money and he didn't often spend much. Indulging Bjorn felt right.

[metallhuvud]

"Not many people have ever said this to me because most think I'm too much to handle. A slutty bitch who---who is just trash and worthless."

Bjorn hadn't meant to become emotional but it was all too much as he started crying; a mix of joyful tears amongst sad ones involving his past lovers who had mistreated the singer. He had been treated like a trashy whore; something to be thrown away after use. At least Rekker loved him and wanted him to be his husband. The part about spending his whole life with the Brit had just hit home and it was a wonderful feeling.

"I---I love you too."

Sniffing, Bjorn buried his head in Rekker's ginger hair.

[rage_rekker]

"You are a trashy, hard to handle, slutty, little bitch." Rekker leaned in and gave the Swede a gentle kiss. He could almost feel the emotions before the Swede started to cry.

Rekker pulled up his hand with the new ring and kissed the fingers. "But this... sure the fuck isn't what you do for someone worthless." Then he whispered. "You're not worthless, luv."

He slid off Bjorn to lay beside him and hold him. Sex could wait. The Brit knew all too well what it was for emotions to derail your whole mood to the point it felt out of control. He'd hold him, stroking his back and hair, as long as he needed. However, he didn't want his own emotions to crash out.

"I see you getting all this fucking glitter in my hair." He teased but his strong arms are holding the blonde tightly, protectively. "Is this you trying to get me wet in the shower?"

The joke is light but meaningful as he presses a kiss to the top of Bjorn's head. A random glitter filled shower was how this all started anyway.

[metallhuvud]

"I know and I shouldn't think I am because Hans keeps telling me that I'm not. I've just had shithead lovers who have fucked me for money and my looks then dumped me out on the street like trash."

Bjorn fell silent as he listened to Rekker's words and held the ginger closer. As for the glitter getting everywhere? The Swede giggled softly and wiped at his damp eyes causing his eyeliner to run everywhere. He kissed Rekker's chest and sighed. He wasn't worthless because this man wanted to marry him. Wanted him to live with him forever. No one had ever mentioned marriage to him before and it was a bit overwhelming to deal with in one go.

"Are you sure you'll be able to put up with my slutty, bitchy ass for eternity?"

Looking up at Rekker, Bjorn drew little circles on the Brit's chest, smiling fondly.

[rage_rekker]

"I've had them too. They come for the money and some of them tore part of me out." Rekker knew way too much about the hurt that could be inflicted by others. He couldn't help thinking about his daughter and felt his chest tighten up as he held Bjorn a little closer. It still hurt after over a decade. He needed to keep his own spirits up and forced the pain down. "I prefer my trash in my bed."

He didn't sound as happy and teasing as usual but he hoped it would make Bjorn feel a little better. However, the question gets a small laugh and a faint smile.

"Are you ready for me to get grumpier as I get old?" He pushed the Swede's hair back and kissed his cheek. "I don't put up with your slutty, bitchy ass.. I like your fucking slutty, bitchy ass.. and that bitchy whore mouth of yours too." Rekker snuggled against the singer, holding him close, partially curling around him.

[metallhuvud]

"They didn't deserve to do that to you, babe. No one does."

Bjorn just kissed Rekker's jaw and enjoyed the way he could feel a slight stubble begin to show through. It was subtle but it was there. Of course if the ginger got too scruffy then the Swede would complain and demand the Brit get a shave. As for being grumpy? Bjorn had gotten used to that part now.

"I am getting used to your grumpy ass. Being together forever means I'll put up with your grouchy shit and your old man grump days."

The Swede giggled and then pulled up his hand with the ring now wrapped around his finger. Oh, it was so beautiful!

[rage_rekker]

"You didn't deserve to be treated like shit, either." Rekker pulled the Swede closer and trembled for a moment from the rage blossoming up. He'd skin someone for mistreating Bjorn.

Sometimes Rekker did get scruffy and forget to shave or not care enough to do it. Eventually, Bjorn would probably find reason to complain. He took that ring clad hand and kissed the fingers before letting go to lean in and press a fiery, passionate kiss to Bjorn's perfect, pink lips.

"And I'll put up with your demanding, bitching." Rekker pressed another kiss to those soft lips before groaning. As they both calmed down his lust came surging back, hands drifting down over the Swede's hips.

"I want you, Bjorn." He meant it both in a relationship and physically. "Let me take care of you."

Rekker was a disaster taking care of himself but others, Bjorn.. he could dote on. Right now, all he wanted to do was make love to his new fiancé. Slow and indulgent. Despite stopping earlier he's still feeling that urge for oral sex, even if it wasn't their usual. "You're perfect."

[metallhuvud]

"I---yeah. Hans punched and smashed those fuckheads faces in when they made fun of me. Sigurd was there too when we were touring around. He was the dad defending us all and clearing up all the shit afterwards. I do owe him a fucking lot."

Bjorn giggled a little when Rekker kissed his ring-clad hand, loving how cute they could get in between all the fiery rough sex they had. The intimate romantic times were if not more important and the Swede loved all the attention he got, practically bathing in it.

"Am I really that demanding, ginger bastard? I love and want you too, Rekker Sterling. Forever. Time can suck cock because no one is going to die!"

The Swede grabbing Rekker's face and planting his pouty lips onto the Brit's in a rough kiss. He was wearing cherry lip-gloss today and wondered if Rekker could taste it on his own lips.

[rage_rekker]

"I do too." Rekker kissed Bjorn's temple. "For keeping you safe until I found you and will fucking kill the next bastard who tries any shit."

It was meant to be sweet but the rage came through. This kind of closeness was going to cause Rekker to have an even more hairpin trigger when it comes to Bjorn than he already did. The grouchy ginger was a romantic and despite the wildness of his sex life a traditionalist of sorts when it came to relationships. He definitely brought flowers, gifts and nice dinners and the rest of the usual romantic things. Bjorn being male had barely changed anything in how he behaved.

"Sometimes." Rekker laughed because Bjorn certainly had his moments of near tantrum like behavior. "I love you too, bitch. Whatever time I've got left is yours."

Rekker hated the flavored lip gloss but he still pulled the Swede in, moaning into the kiss while pushing Bjorn onto his back. He broke the kiss with a chuckle. "You know you're hotter than the women I've dated?"

That was how it felt anyway. Maybe it was chemistry or something else but Rekker was so wrapped around the Swedish singer's finger.

[metallhuvud]

"I---whatever time? We've got all the fucking time in the world, grouchy bastard. I want to make sure of that."

Bjorn didn't want to even think about Rekker dying or him wanting to end it all so just planted his face into the crook of the Brit's neck, sighing. Fuck the world. He wanted to be with Rekker forever. He was then giggling at the ginger's words about all the trashy women he'd dated.

"Oh yeah? I have something they've never had. A cock. Fuck them. I'm better than any fucking whorish bimbo girl."

The Swede tugging on Rekker's hair, pulling him down for another needy kiss. His nails raking down the ginger's arms.

[rage_rekker]

"I wish we did." Rekker whispered but he's too much of a realist to ignore how much older he was than the Swede. He pulled Bjorn in closer, indulging in the feeling of the his soft skin.

"Better lips, too." Rekker winked as he's pulled into that kiss. Groaning at the need and the nails raking his skin. "Better in bed."

Rekker leaned into Bjorn, sliding his hand down his side. Rekker was starting to pant from the emotions and the waves of arousal, love and stress that has been going on since Bjorn entered the room. "You're so hot. Fuck!"

[metallhuvud]

"Never say never, babe. Just---stay with me forever. I love you, ginger bastard."

Bjorn just kissed the underside of Rekker's chin and loved how masculine the guitarist smelled. Everything about the ginger Brit was perfect to the Swede, even down to his grumpiness. The days when he had meltdowns? Well, he wanted to be there to help the Brit cope with his illness. That was part of being a couple. Part of growing up and being mature.

"Do you think I've matured since we first met? Hans often says I'm like a spoilt little brat. Immature and childish. I want to be able to look after you when you're sick so being more mature helps."

He was trying. The touches felt nice and Bjorn did want to fuck Rekker but first he wanted to hear what the ginger had to say on the matter.

[rage_rekker]

"I'll stay as long as I can." That was the best that Rekker could promise. Unlike the Swede, he didn't have the optimism and certainly didn't think he would be around forever.

Despite his views he pulled the blonde closer and kissed his forehead. He might not think in terms of forever but until death was a commitment he was ready to make, otherwise, he would have never bought that ring. The question catches him off guard, and is nearly confusing. He pulls back to stare at Bjorn for a moment.

"It doesn't matter to me if you have or not." It was an honest answer. "I fell in love with a childish, spoiled brat, but if you want to change it won't change what I think about you. I'm not like your brother who thinks you need to change to be a better person or a better partner." That was the most important thing to the Brit. He wanted his partner to know that he could change, if he wanted to, and that was unlikely to alter how the guitarist felt. "I've always liked traits that others find distasteful."

That was another truth. While others might look at Bjorn's behavior with an idea that he needed to change to be better suited for things or because it wasn't something he should do, Rekker wasn't bothered by any of it, preferred it in some ways.

[metallhuvud]

Bjorn sighed a little and nodded. To be honest it felt good knowing that Rekker loved all of the trashy Swede's qualities because others saw them as faults. The way he acted like a spoiled brat and was often high or smashed out of his mind. Loud mouthed and had no filter. Did he even need to change? No, he didn't.

"I suppose I just got used to trying to fit in with everyone around me at times. Hans always chastising me for being a fucking trashy bitch. He's right I am a trashy bitch but I want to stay one because I know you like me as me. I don't need to change and don't want to. Growing up is bullshit anyway."

He giggled and then kissed Rekker on the lips. It felt good to know his ginger liked him the way he was. Bjorn could be his own man and be mature in his own way. Hans was himself and Bjorn was himself.

"I'm not changing for any fucking idiot. You're mine, babe."

[rage_rekker]

Rekker pushed all the wild blonde hair out of the way so he could see Bjorn's face. "I'll love you no matter if you are a trashy bitch or not." He laughed at the comment about growing up. In some ways it did suck, a lot.

"Are you ready to live without booze or knives in your house?" Rekker asked it playfully but it was the only thing he would ask of the Swede, a necessity for his survival. Rekker didn't have any cutting things; razors, knives, nothing.

"You're perfect just like you are now, and if you change, then you'll still be perfect." Rekker wouldn't mind if Bjorn decided to mature in some areas, nor would he care if the Swede remained the same spoiled, trashy bitch until he was 40 or 50 or whatever. Rekker nuzzled into the front of Bjorn's neck and kissed him right where his neck and chest met.

"You should lay back and let me take care of you." Rekker was a little pushy but he had a craving to physically wrap himself in the Swede, in his partner, that he couldn't shake.

[metallhuvud]

"Just like I love you being a grumpy ginger bastard. We're even then."

Bjorn wondered about the whole razor and booze thing because he still had to shave and liked to drink. It would be getting smashed at the hotel and away from the house with the whole booze thing. As for shaving he could get a special razor that wouldn't show open blades maybe? He'd figure something out.

"No booze. No blades. Got it, babe. I'll get trashed back at the hotel or away from the house. So then no bottles for you to get hold of."

The Swede stuck his tongue out playfully at the ginger Brit and laid down, sighing and wondering what it would be like living with Rekker. Would he have to move to LA? That was another thing Bjorn hadn't even thought about.

"Once we get married will I come to live here with you?"