What am I doing with my life?
Feb. 14th, 2022 04:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rage_rekker101 Ways to say I love you 54. "No one has ever made me feel like this."
Rekker was holed up in the room he shared with Bjorn while the singer was out practicing and probably drinking by this point in the day. However, the Brit was reeling from his brother’s words a few days ago on the beach. Tomorrow was Valentine’s Day, and he hated the holiday, the same way he hated most holidays. Though, he imagined Bjorn was exactly the opposite and would probably be throwing heart confetti about the room, or something, soon enough.
He was drinking, albeit slowly, while trying to think. He’d pull the box out and then cram it back into his vest pocket only to pull it out a few minutes later. Nothing seemed to be calming him down and his mind kept spiraling on the fact that Bjorn deserved better and probably didn’t even want this. Not that he could do anything meaningful anyway. He threw the empty rocks glass across the room and started drinking directly from the bottle.
Everything was shit. The situation, the world, and his life. The desire to simply walk away and disappear off the face of the Earth was feeling good in the moment. However, he felt chained to the singer. Not chained in a bad way like a prisoner but the feeling was still there. Rekker shoved his hair out of his face to stare at the door. He wanted to see the singer step in and desperately wanted him to stay away. Do it anyway, his brother’s words kept running around and around in his head, even when he got up and started pacing the small hotel room. It wasn’t exactly small, but the caged animal feeling brought on by Rekker’s anxiety caused his perception of it to shrink down.
Grabbing the half empty bottle of whiskey, he headed for the door. Maybe getting away would help, some fresh air. His hand was about to touch the knob when the giggling came from the other side. Rekker instantly panicked as he recognized Bjorn’s giggling. He was going to walk in any moment. The guitarist went sheet white with panic as he took a couple steps back from the door. His heart was racing so fast it felt painful in his chest. He realized this was a full out panic attack and drunk he couldn’t take any medication for it. As his hands went cold, he dropped the bottle and spun around wondering if he could hide which was obviously ridiculous.
He'd never had anyone make him feel like this. The happiness crashing headlong into a caged animal level of anxiety that almost left the ginger feeling faint. That would be his luck, Bjorn walk through the door, and he immediately faints. Turning back toward the door he ran his hands through his hair, terror rising because Bjorn was surely about to come through the door, and he wasn’t ready.
Rekker was holed up in the room he shared with Bjorn while the singer was out practicing and probably drinking by this point in the day. However, the Brit was reeling from his brother’s words a few days ago on the beach. Tomorrow was Valentine’s Day, and he hated the holiday, the same way he hated most holidays. Though, he imagined Bjorn was exactly the opposite and would probably be throwing heart confetti about the room, or something, soon enough.
He was drinking, albeit slowly, while trying to think. He’d pull the box out and then cram it back into his vest pocket only to pull it out a few minutes later. Nothing seemed to be calming him down and his mind kept spiraling on the fact that Bjorn deserved better and probably didn’t even want this. Not that he could do anything meaningful anyway. He threw the empty rocks glass across the room and started drinking directly from the bottle.
Everything was shit. The situation, the world, and his life. The desire to simply walk away and disappear off the face of the Earth was feeling good in the moment. However, he felt chained to the singer. Not chained in a bad way like a prisoner but the feeling was still there. Rekker shoved his hair out of his face to stare at the door. He wanted to see the singer step in and desperately wanted him to stay away. Do it anyway, his brother’s words kept running around and around in his head, even when he got up and started pacing the small hotel room. It wasn’t exactly small, but the caged animal feeling brought on by Rekker’s anxiety caused his perception of it to shrink down.
Grabbing the half empty bottle of whiskey, he headed for the door. Maybe getting away would help, some fresh air. His hand was about to touch the knob when the giggling came from the other side. Rekker instantly panicked as he recognized Bjorn’s giggling. He was going to walk in any moment. The guitarist went sheet white with panic as he took a couple steps back from the door. His heart was racing so fast it felt painful in his chest. He realized this was a full out panic attack and drunk he couldn’t take any medication for it. As his hands went cold, he dropped the bottle and spun around wondering if he could hide which was obviously ridiculous.
He'd never had anyone make him feel like this. The happiness crashing headlong into a caged animal level of anxiety that almost left the ginger feeling faint. That would be his luck, Bjorn walk through the door, and he immediately faints. Turning back toward the door he ran his hands through his hair, terror rising because Bjorn was surely about to come through the door, and he wasn’t ready.
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Date: 2022-04-01 09:37 pm (UTC)Sometimes Rekker did get scruffy and forget to shave or not care enough to do it. Eventually, Bjorn would probably find reason to complain. He took that ring clad hand and kissed the fingers before letting go to lean in and press a fiery, passionate kiss to Bjorn's perfect, pink lips.
"And I'll put up with your demanding, bitching." Rekker pressed another kiss to those soft lips before groaning. As they both calmed down his lust came surging back, hands drifting down over the Swede's hips.
"I want you, Bjorn." He meant it both in a relationship and physically. "Let me take care of you."
Rekker was a disaster taking care of himself but others, Bjorn.. he could dote on. Right now, all he wanted to do was make love to his new fiancé. Slow and indulgent. Despite stopping earlier he's still feeling that urge for oral sex, even if it wasn't their usual. "You're perfect."
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Date: 2022-04-02 08:21 pm (UTC)Bjorn giggled a little when Rekker kissed his ring-clad hand, loving how cute they could get in between all the fiery rough sex they had. The intimate romantic times were if not more important and the Swede loved all the attention he got, practically bathing in it.
"Am I really that demanding, ginger bastard? I love and want you too, Rekker Sterling. Forever. Time can suck cock because no one is going to die!"
The Swede grabbing Rekker's face and planting his pouty lips onto the Brit's in a rough kiss. He was wearing cherry lip-gloss today and wondered if Rekker could taste it on his own lips.
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Date: 2022-04-02 08:54 pm (UTC)It was meant to be sweet but the rage came through. This kind of closeness was going to cause Rekker to have an even more hairpin trigger when it comes to Bjorn than he already did. The grouchy ginger was a romantic and despite the wildness of his sex life a traditionalist of sorts when it came to relationships. He definitely brought flowers, gifts and nice dinners and the rest of the usual romantic things. Bjorn being male had barely changed anything in how he behaved.
"Sometimes." Rekker laughed because Bjorn certainly had his moments of near tantrum like behavior. "I love you too, bitch. Whatever time I've got left is yours."
Rekker hated the flavored lip gloss but he still pulled the Swede in, moaning into the kiss while pushing Bjorn onto his back. He broke the kiss with a chuckle. "You know you're hotter than the women I've dated?"
That was how it felt anyway. Maybe it was chemistry or something else but Rekker was so wrapped around the Swedish singer's finger.
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Date: 2022-04-12 08:01 pm (UTC)Bjorn didn't want to even think about Rekker dying or him wanting to end it all so just planted his face into the crook of the Brit's neck, sighing. Fuck the world. He wanted to be with Rekker forever. He was then giggling at the ginger's words about all the trashy women he'd dated.
"Oh yeah? I have something they've never had. A cock. Fuck them. I'm better than any fucking whorish bimbo girl."
The Swede tugging on Rekker's hair, pulling him down for another needy kiss. His nails raking down the ginger's arms.
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Date: 2022-04-12 08:38 pm (UTC)"Better lips, too." Rekker winked as he's pulled into that kiss. Groaning at the need and the nails raking his skin. "Better in bed."
Rekker leaned into Bjorn, sliding his hand down his side. Rekker was starting to pant from the emotions and the waves of arousal, love and stress that has been going on since Bjorn entered the room. "You're so hot. Fuck!"
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Date: 2022-04-13 07:23 pm (UTC)Bjorn just kissed the underside of Rekker's chin and loved how masculine the guitarist smelled. Everything about the ginger Brit was perfect to the Swede, even down to his grumpiness. The days when he had meltdowns? Well, he wanted to be there to help the Brit cope with his illness. That was part of being a couple. Part of growing up and being mature.
"Do you think I've matured since we first met? Hans often says I'm like a spoilt little brat. Immature and childish. I want to be able to look after you when you're sick so being more mature helps."
He was trying. The touches felt nice and Bjorn did want to fuck Rekker but first he wanted to hear what the ginger had to say on the matter.
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Date: 2022-04-14 03:35 am (UTC)Despite his views he pulled the blonde closer and kissed his forehead. He might not think in terms of forever but until death was a commitment he was ready to make, otherwise, he would have never bought that ring. The question catches him off guard, and is nearly confusing. He pulls back to stare at Bjorn for a moment.
"It doesn't matter to me if you have or not." It was an honest answer. "I fell in love with a childish, spoiled brat, but if you want to change it won't change what I think about you. I'm not like your brother who thinks you need to change to be a better person or a better partner." That was the most important thing to the Brit. He wanted his partner to know that he could change, if he wanted to, and that was unlikely to alter how the guitarist felt. "I've always liked traits that others find distasteful."
That was another truth. While others might look at Bjorn's behavior with an idea that he needed to change to be better suited for things or because it wasn't something he should do, Rekker wasn't bothered by any of it, preferred it in some ways.
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Date: 2022-04-14 06:14 pm (UTC)"I suppose I just got used to trying to fit in with everyone around me at times. Hans always chastising me for being a fucking trashy bitch. He's right I am a trashy bitch but I want to stay one because I know you like me as me. I don't need to change and don't want to. Growing up is bullshit anyway."
He giggled and then kissed Rekker on the lips. It felt good to know his ginger liked him the way he was. Bjorn could be his own man and be mature in his own way. Hans was himself and Bjorn was himself.
"I'm not changing for any fucking idiot. You're mine, babe."
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Date: 2022-04-14 07:38 pm (UTC)"Are you ready to live without booze or knives in your house?" Rekker asked it playfully but it was the only thing he would ask of the Swede, a necessity for his survival. Rekker didn't have any cutting things; razors, knives, nothing.
"You're perfect just like you are now, and if you change, then you'll still be perfect." Rekker wouldn't mind if Bjorn decided to mature in some areas, nor would he care if the Swede remained the same spoiled, trashy bitch until he was 40 or 50 or whatever. Rekker nuzzled into the front of Bjorn's neck and kissed him right where his neck and chest met.
"You should lay back and let me take care of you." Rekker was a little pushy but he had a craving to physically wrap himself in the Swede, in his partner, that he couldn't shake.
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Date: 2022-04-14 08:02 pm (UTC)Bjorn wondered about the whole razor and booze thing because he still had to shave and liked to drink. It would be getting smashed at the hotel and away from the house with the whole booze thing. As for shaving he could get a special razor that wouldn't show open blades maybe? He'd figure something out.
"No booze. No blades. Got it, babe. I'll get trashed back at the hotel or away from the house. So then no bottles for you to get hold of."
The Swede stuck his tongue out playfully at the ginger Brit and laid down, sighing and wondering what it would be like living with Rekker. Would he have to move to LA? That was another thing Bjorn hadn't even thought about.
"Once we get married will I come to live here with you?"
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Date: 2022-04-14 08:08 pm (UTC)Rekker paused where he was kissing Bjorn's chest and looked up, pushing his hair out of the way. "Do you want to?"
The Brit had vaguely thought about it but not in any concrete way. "Maybe we could live here in the winter and Swede in the Summer?" Rekker dislike the cold so he would try and avoid a winter in Sweden if he could.
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Date: 2022-04-14 08:54 pm (UTC)Bjorn had been there when Hans had heard a pill packet from someone taking a throat pill and it had made the guitarist nervous until he locked himself in his bedroom all day. The PTSD---Ollie would have to deal with it somehow. Then again, all the Danes had some form of trauma. Poor boys.
"I----I want to live with you, babe. Us together like a real married couple. Husbands. Fuck, I want this! Yeah----maybe Sweden in the summer and here for winter. I still like snow though. I want to build a fucking grouchy snowman with you and call it you."
The Swede kissed Rekker's neck and sighed.
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Date: 2022-04-14 09:07 pm (UTC)"There's snow in the mountains here." Rekker pointed out before sighing from the kiss to his neck. He went back to kissing across Bjorn's chest while one of his hands slide down his side and hip. They could talk and make out at the same time, right?
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Date: 2022-04-16 06:34 pm (UTC)Bjorn giggled and then pulled on some of Rekker's ginger hair, nuzzling into the man's neck. Making out and talking sounded good right about now and the Swede was so happy he was now an engaged man.
"I actually thought it would be Hans who would have gotten married before me. I think he and Hunter had talked about it once before---well, before---yeah."
The Swede's face falling, not wanting to think about his brother's overdose. Hans had Ollie now, didn't he? Hunter had his tarty drummer.
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Date: 2022-04-16 08:13 pm (UTC)"I'm a traditionalist." Rekker meant it. Love meant getting married and he had milled over Bjorn being male for a long time. His heart won out over his anxiety in the end. He leaned in, whispering, half singing to Bjorn.. what must be song lyrics for the pace of them.
"In a world of doubt and danger, you see it everywhere
Your friends turn into strangers, does anybody care
But when all hope is lost, I'm gonna be there, whatever the cost
When you feel lost
Someone to hold you with all of their might
Through the darkness night, I'll be there
I'll fight hell to hold you, no river too deep or mountain high
I'll fight hell to hold you by my side
I'm gonna fight hell to hold you, till time stands still and worlds collide"
Music was easier for Rekker when he got this far into his emotions.
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Date: 2022-04-16 08:16 pm (UTC)Bjorn stuck his tongue out and then bit Rekker gently on the earlobe. Being playful was second nature to the Swede who was now enjoying the lyrics. Singing? Oh, this was just too cute. He made a small squealing noise of delight and kissed the Brit on the lips.
"That's so cute, babe. I love you."
The blond's hand sliding up Rekker's chest, gently massaging it and feeling the warmth under his palm.
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Date: 2022-04-16 08:37 pm (UTC)"I love you, too." Rekker pulled Bjorn in, kissing along his neck and hands roaming over his back. "All the girls are going to cry on tour."
He whispered to the Swede then bit his shoulder gently. He's still horny but also enjoy just being close like this.
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Date: 2022-04-16 08:43 pm (UTC)Bjorn tapped Rekker on the nose just loving to tease and wind the grouchy Brit up because he could. He was Rekker's little bitchy princess and would act it whenever he could. As for girls crying on the tour they probably would but then a load would.
"Lots of girls will cry once they find out that we're all taken. All the boys loving boys. It'll be fun."
The Swede touching Rekker's thigh, squeezing it.
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Date: 2022-04-17 02:36 am (UTC)"I don't care if they do." Rekker growled from that squeeze. "My perfect bitch isn't a girl."
Rekker pushed up against Bjorn and started kissing down his neck to his chest again. All of this slow touch and honesty felt good, not that their usual fast and wild sex wasn't satisfying. The slow build happening with so much closeness, had the Brit craving his lover.
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Date: 2022-06-09 07:58 pm (UTC)Bjorn gasped when he felt Rekker kiss down his neck and chest because it made his skin prickle and goosebump. Just having the ginger touch and kiss him made the Swede melt under all the loving caresses. Even during slow sex it still felt as good as when Rekker was rough and aggressive.
"I love you."
A hard tug to Rekker's ginger hair and Bjorn was now biting softly on the ginger's shoulder.
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Date: 2022-06-10 06:37 pm (UTC)He slid down farther, kissing his way down Bjorn's chest, gently biting his nipples on the way down. He slowed down even more when he got to his stomach, kissing gently everywhere though he couldn't resist licking his navel. Rekker knew it might make the singer squirm and that was the point. He didn't stop though and continued down to kiss over his hips. This felt good and Rekker was finally over his hang ups about having a male partner, even if that took a long time to get to.
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Date: 2022-08-12 08:00 pm (UTC)Bjorn giggled girlishly and squeaked when he felt Rekker kissing down his chest gently, biting the Swede's dusky pink nipples. Oh! That got a throb along Bjorn's cock as he moaned lewdly and was becoming stiffer by each passing second that the grouchy Brit touched him.
"Fuck---I want you. Does it still confuse you that I have a cock, babe?"
This was a question that Bjorn had wondered ever since sleeping with Rekker for the first time. His cock now jutting upwards away from the blond curls surrounding it.
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Date: 2022-08-13 04:30 pm (UTC)Or he didn't think he was confused. Laying there on his elbows, fingertips caressing the soft skin of Bjorn's hip, he tried to find the right words. "I hated the glam scene for what they did and I've never been attracted to men before."
Rekker now figured that was because his type of men fell firmly into a group of people he hated, or had in the past anyway. Eventually he smiled and shrugged. "If you were a girl I'd go down on you. I don't see the difference between the two types of oral sex."
That was the honest answer and the thoughts that pulled Rekker through what he had to wrap his head around. "I suppose you want me to get better at sucking cock now?"
He fell right back into teasing the Swede because, despite not fighting much anymore, the dynamic of picking at each other or teasing was one that Rekker liked. It might well be part of how he showed affection.