rage_rekker | What am I doing with my life?

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What am I doing with my life?

101 Ways to say I love you 54. "No one has ever made me feel like this."

Rekker was holed up in the room he shared with Bjorn while the singer was out practicing and probably drinking by this point in the day. However, the Brit was reeling from his brother’s words a few days ago on the beach. Tomorrow was Valentine’s Day, and he hated the holiday, the same way he hated most holidays. Though, he imagined Bjorn was exactly the opposite and would probably be throwing heart confetti about the room, or something, soon enough.

He was drinking, albeit slowly, while trying to think. He’d pull the box out and then cram it back into his vest pocket only to pull it out a few minutes later. Nothing seemed to be calming him down and his mind kept spiraling on the fact that Bjorn deserved better and probably didn’t even want this. Not that he could do anything meaningful anyway. He threw the empty rocks glass across the room and started drinking directly from the bottle.

Everything was shit. The situation, the world, and his life. The desire to simply walk away and disappear off the face of the Earth was feeling good in the moment. However, he felt chained to the singer. Not chained in a bad way like a prisoner but the feeling was still there. Rekker shoved his hair out of his face to stare at the door. He wanted to see the singer step in and desperately wanted him to stay away. Do it anyway, his brother’s words kept running around and around in his head, even when he got up and started pacing the small hotel room. It wasn’t exactly small, but the caged animal feeling brought on by Rekker’s anxiety caused his perception of it to shrink down.

Grabbing the half empty bottle of whiskey, he headed for the door. Maybe getting away would help, some fresh air. His hand was about to touch the knob when the giggling came from the other side. Rekker instantly panicked as he recognized Bjorn’s giggling. He was going to walk in any moment. The guitarist went sheet white with panic as he took a couple steps back from the door. His heart was racing so fast it felt painful in his chest. He realized this was a full out panic attack and drunk he couldn’t take any medication for it. As his hands went cold, he dropped the bottle and spun around wondering if he could hide which was obviously ridiculous.

He'd never had anyone make him feel like this. The happiness crashing headlong into a caged animal level of anxiety that almost left the ginger feeling faint. That would be his luck, Bjorn walk through the door, and he immediately faints. Turning back toward the door he ran his hands through his hair, terror rising because Bjorn was surely about to come through the door, and he wasn’t ready.

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Rekker sighed heavily and shook his head. "Britain or the US won't recognize it. To the country I live in I won't even be married."

He's so mad about that, furious and wanting to beat someone up over it but that wouldn't help. He looks down at Bjorn's hand when he puts the ring on it. "I've asked before and been left."

Rekker had been ignored or outright told no in the past. However, he holds Bjorn tightly. "I love you, to, bitch."

He pulls Bjorn's hand to look at the ring. "The ring's based on Topanga Beach. My favorite surf beach and the one I always took you to." Rekker leaned in and kissed Bjorn gently.

"Fuck them. We recognise it and so will all of the band members. My country will recognise us as a married couple so that's something at least. Don't give up on what you want, honey. I never have. We deserve to be together and to be happy. Fuck! We deserve this!"

Bjorn was pissed at all the shitty laws around gay marriage and wished they could be easier and more accepting. But it was what it was and the two would have to deal with it somehow. Poor Rekker though. Left after proposing to someone, no doubt a woman.

"Even though I'm not a woman I can still give you what any other woman can. Fuck, can I. Topanga Beach? The one where you nearly threw me into the fucking water with my clothes on? You bastard. I love you."

The Swede just pulled Rekker in for a hug and a kiss on the lips. Wait until he showed the ring to the others. Hans! Oh and---everyone else in the band! What would they all say? Robert! Just---it was so exciting to be someone's fiance.

"You sound like my brother." Which wasn't a bad thing in this situation. "I love you. I don't want to wait because I don't know how long I'm going to survive."

It wasn't depression talking but realistic. He could off himself at any moment and there's just age itself. Rekker started to nuzzle into the Swede. "You're what I want, not some fucking woman."

The Brit might feel done with women at this point after so many walking away from him for some reason or another. He starts to laugh. "Yes, and most of the other times we've visited the beach. You look hot in the sunsets there."

Not that Bjorn didn't always look hot but through the stress and coming down from panicking Rekker is starting to flirt. "Do you really want to be Bjorn Sterling?"

Now he is outright teasing while he pulls the Swede in close. "You're so fucking beautiful."

"I do? Oh well I can't be all that bad if I sound like the dirty daddy druid."

Bjorn giggled because that's what Hunter and some of the others called Erik's sugar druid. It was cute. Both the young Swedes in love with their older British men. Rekker being no exception to that rule being older himself and definitely dirty at times. The Swede didn't like woman at all in any sexual capacity so this pleased him to hear the words coming from the ginger's mouth.

"Woman are complicated. I'm me and---I'm yours! No one else will have me, babe. I want to be Bjorn Sterling. Hans can be your brother in law. Oh, it's fucking cute!"

Bjorn squeaked and then kissed Rekker's lips; his fingers tugging on those long ginger locks once more. Being called beautiful felt the best thing in the world right now because someone really wanted him. This wasn't some drunken fuck or fling with a groupie. Rekker was a real man and was wanting to marry the trashy singer.

"He's a pain in the ass, just like you." Rekker was relaxing some and his normal personality was coming back.

"Robert will be your brother in law." Rekker laughed imagining Robert hearing that from someone. It was true and he knew that his brother was happy for him the same way Rekker was pleased to see Erik with his brother. The Brit leaned into that kiss, hands on the singer's ass. It felt euphoric to hear that Bjorn wanted him forever.

"Bjorn, you're perfect."

"I bet he isn't, you grumpy asshole. Not from what Erik says about him."

Bjorn giggled and then realised that the old man would be his brother in law. What did Robert even think of that? Being the trashy loud mouthed Swede's brother in law. No doubt Hans would find it hilarious and then there was Erik. That meant it would eventually bring the Ivarssons, Larssons and Sterlings together as one family. It was fucking perfect!

"You're perfect too in all your grouchy glory."

Smirking, Bjorn then kissed Rekker's neck and bit his earlobe. Oh, this day couldn't get any better, could it? The Swede now sporting a beautiful ring on his finger as well as the expensive bracelet Rekker had bought previously.

"You don't know him!" Rekker laughed to get rid of the remaining stress, vent it off.

The Brit kept kissing Bjorn down his neck and groaned at the feel of those soft lips on his neck. He pulled on the Swede, grabbing on the singer's ass.

"I want you." Rekker growled against the Swede's neck. "You're too fucking hot to be dressed."

"No, I don't that much but I will now that he's about to become my brother in law!"

The Swede giggled a high girlish sound while gasping at Rekker kissing down his neck. Fuck! He was getting aroused now that the ginger had his mouth on him. The ass grab caused a small squeak to get pulled from those pink pouty lips. Bjorn knew how much the ginger loved his lips.

"Now you're fucking horny after near fainting on me? I love you, Rekker Sterling."

Bjorn reached around to grab Rekker's own ass, giving both cheeks a good squeeze before grazing his lips against the Brit's Adam's Apple. He wanted the ginger bastard so much.

"Strip me, bitch."

"He's a good man." Rekker figured if Robert could deal with Aarne, Bjorn couldn't be too much worse.

"If I am it's your fucking fault." Rekker definitely was and pressed his hips into his... fiancé. That was such a strange thought to have. The grab got a moan and gentle bite as Rekker started to pull Bjorn's shirt off.

"You're the bitch that needs to get to stripping." The tension faded now because so much of it revolved around worry that Bjorn would say no.

"I know he is. Just like you are, cockhead."

Bjorn pulled on Rekker's hair and realised that the "cockhead" he had in his grasp was now his fiancé. Fuck. What a thought! Had anyone heard the screams down the corridor? Surely, they had because the trashy Swede had near shouted down the whole hotel with his voice.

"You mean I'm so fucking hot you can't keep those huge hands off me?"

Sticking his tongue out, Bjorn then groaned when Rekker began taking his shirt off. The ginger always got him hot whenever he stripped him and right now he was getting harder every second. Rekker was all he wanted right now. The Swede's lips once again finding their way to the Brit's neck, biting a little just underneath his ear.

Rekker had all but forgotten about the screaming because he was now focused on his lover.

"Or my cock out of you." Rekker's getting wound up in a hurry and grinned. "Lay down!"

He was demanding it, of course. This was nothing new but he had his mind on a lot of different things to do to the Swede, almost too many, or maybe neither of them were going to leave the room for the rest of the night.

Bjorn turned around and wiggled his ass towards his ginger lover, teasing as he always did because he was a little bitch. He did it because he could and he knew that Rekker loved it when he was a trashy whore.

"Make me, bitch!"

Giggling once more, Bjorn jumped onto the bed and then waved his ass in the air, just because he was so happy and in a playful mood. The ginger Brit wanted him? Then, the Swede would play hard to get just because it felt good to be wanted. To be wanted as someone's husband. He also loved it when Rekker got rough with him.

Rekker gave him a hard slap on the ass when he first started to wiggle it at him. The playful mood was infectious in the moment. The Brit had the same feelings of happiness as Bjorn, the euphoria of being wanted.

Rekker tossed off his shirt before coming over to the bed. "I'm going to make you scream louder than you were running around this fucking room."

Rekker grabbed a hold of the Swede's leg, yanking on him so that he could get his boots off. The boots were always such a bitch to get off, mostly because Bjorn squirmed all around when the Brit tried to strip the bitchy singer.

"Ah!--"

Bjorn gasped when Rekker slapped his ass hard. Just having the ginger Brit treat him roughly caused a lewd moan to slip from his lips as he turned to see Rekker now shirtless. Those muscles---fuck, he looked so hot like that! Giggling, Bjorn then felt the Brit yank his leg so he could pull his boots off.

"Hey, be careful, bastard!"

The Swede was in a fit of giggles because he was loving it. The roughness and also the part that Rekker was feeling better. Was the trashy singer about to get fucked hard? Oh yes. The screaming would soon happen and Bjorn couldn't wait. He turned over onto his back and allowed the Brit to continue stripping him.

"I am." Rekker shot back while tossing the boots aside. "I didn't rip anything off."

Laughing quietly, Rekker grabbed the waist of Bjorn's pants and roughly pulled those off too, though he is careful not to rip them. It left the Swedish singer sprawled out naked on their bed. Rekker paused a moment to admire all the smooth pale skin while tossing the pants aside with the boots.

"You're so fucking hot, whore." Crawling into bed, and aiming to get on top of the singer, the Brit stopped to kiss around his navel and give the soft skin just below a playful nip. Rekker felt high as the reality set in. Bjorn wanted to stay.

"Good because you'll be fucking paying for it again if you do!"

Bjorn soon felt the cool air against his now naked skin as he arched up into that kiss to his navel, thrusting his fingers into that mass of wild ginger hair. Fuck! The nip got a lewd moan out of the trashy Swede who was now hard and aching. He didn't have any body hair to speak of except a thin trail of dark blond hair leading down from his belly button to his pubic hair.

"You're fucking dirty, you greedy ginger asshole."

The Swede then bit Rekker's shoulder, moaning as he then laid back onto the bed, raking his nails down the Brit's back.

Rekker ran his fingers down that trail of hair with a grin.

"I am because you're mine." The Brit can't say anything more because the raking nails pulls a lusty moan from him. Every time the Swedish singer got his nails on the guitarist's skin he couldn't control himself. "You redid your nails."

Rekker could feel when Bjorn had reshaped them. It always made them feel better, sharper, digging into his skin. As soon as he catches his breath Rekker goes back to kissing on Bjorn's skin; down the hip and to the inner thigh. Sure, he's being a tease but Bjorn deserved it for how much he was a tease most days.

"Yeah and don't you fucking know it!"

Bjorn laughed and then nodded. He liked to redo his nails when he got the chance, often painting them with Lars because the tarty drummer liked doing his nails alongside the singer. It was a girly thing to do and Lars was girly like Bjorn. The Swede gasped when he felt Rekker nip at his thigh, causing him to grab some of the ginger's hair and pull roughly.

"I did them a few days ago with Lars. You love it when I file them enough to scratch you."

Raking his nails along Rekker's sides, Bjorn was still elated about getting such a beautiful engagement ring. Fuck! He was going to marry Rekker.

"Your nails feel good." Sure, sometimes he had red, bloody lines on his shoulder but in the moment those nails were erotic enough to pull a gasp from the ginger. He bit a little higher up the thigh.

"You're such a girly bitch." Which was a compliment whispered against the soft pale skin of the Swede's thigh. A light kiss and Rekker glanced up at Bjorn, expression full of mischeviousness. A small pause and then he took the entire length of Bjorn's cock in his mouth and gave it a firm suck. He didn't usually suck cock but Bjorn was his and the desire to do oral on his lover overrode his usual reservations.

"I know. You fucking love me scratching you. Such a dirty bastard---oh!"

Bjorn wasn't expecting Rekker to deep-throat his cock and it caused the trashy singer to gasp and then squeak with pleasure. It had been a while since he'd gotten sucked off and having the ginger's mouth around his throbbing cock felt so good. He wiggled a little and then yanked on Rekker's hair, thrusting into his mouth.

"Fuck, babe!---"

The blond arched up and spread his legs a little further, wondering if Rekker would suck him off to completion.

He was a dirty bastard and tried not to laugh at the reaction. He grabbed on to Bjorn's hips as he squirmed. The way his lover sounded and the arching body kept him going. Pulling back he let out a laugh.

"Are you going to return the favor?" He asked while stroking Bjorn's inner thighs before going back to locking his lover's cock. He needed to get used to this because he was so rarely with a man in his life, and never the bottom.

"For you getting me that fucking expensive sexy ring? Of course."

Bjorn giggled and then reached down to grab Rekker's crotch, squeezing it in his palm. He wanted to suck the ginger off because he knew how much pleasure it gave to him. Also, it was only fair since Rekker had spent so much money on the singer. Maybe too much. But then love was beyond money and trinkets anyway. This was about the two spending their lives together.

"I love you, Rekker Sterling. We can grow old together. I'll be fucking you so much you won't have time to die."

It was a sweet sentiment and the Swede meant it all.

Rekker started laughing and couldn't keep sucking. The sentiment was sweet but the way it was said had him chuckling.

"I hope so." Rekker crawled up to Bjorn and pulled him into a kiss. "I love you. Enough to put up with you for the rest of my life."

It was a sweet response. Not being able to do drugs or drink so much most of his career left Rekker with quite a bit of money and he didn't often spend much. Indulging Bjorn felt right.

"Not many people have ever said this to me because most think I'm too much to handle. A slutty bitch who---who is just trash and worthless."

Bjorn hadn't meant to become emotional but it was all too much as he started crying; a mix of joyful tears amongst sad ones involving his past lovers who had mistreated the singer. He had been treated like a trashy whore; something to be thrown away after use. At least Rekker loved him and wanted him to be his husband. The part about spending his whole life with the Brit had just hit home and it was a wonderful feeling.

"I---I love you too."

Sniffing, Bjorn buried his head in Rekker's ginger hair.

"You are a trashy, hard to handle, slutty, little bitch." Rekker leaned in and gave the Swede a gentle kiss. He could almost feel the emotions before the Swede started to cry.

Rekker pulled up his hand with the new ring and kissed the fingers. "But this... sure the fuck isn't what you do for someone worthless." Then he whispered. "You're not worthless, luv."

He slid off Bjorn to lay beside him and hold him. Sex could wait. The Brit knew all too well what it was for emotions to derail your whole mood to the point it felt out of control. He'd hold him, stroking his back and hair, as long as he needed. However, he didn't want his own emotions to crash out.

"I see you getting all this fucking glitter in my hair." He teased but his strong arms are holding the blonde tightly, protectively. "Is this you trying to get me wet in the shower?"

The joke is light but meaningful as he presses a kiss to the top of Bjorn's head. A random glitter filled shower was how this all started anyway.

Edited 2022-02-28 21:31 (UTC)

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