![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rage_rekkerTRIGGER WARNING: This profile contains talk of self harm, internalized self hatred, suicidal ideation, and chronic depression.
NAME: Derek "Rekker" Sterling
Age: 43
Race: Human
Ethnicity: British (London) - Lives in Hollywood California and previously in New York City and San Francisco.
Eyes: Dark Hazel-Green
Hair: waist length Reddish-Strawberry blonde
Height: 6'1
Weight: Athletic ~195 lbs
Spiritual Tendencies: Atheist with some spiritual leanings; Existential/optimistic nihilism
Gender: Masculine Male
Sexuality: He's rarely interested in dating but Omnisexual when someone gets his attention
Occupation: Guitarist, songwriter/lyricist, guitar luthier - lead guitarist/singer for the heavy metal band Hexed- Avid surfer and occasionally an instructor
Guitar of Choice: Custom Designed Acid Green Flying King V based on a mix of the characters of the Gibson, Jackson and ESP V guitars. Also plays a custom gloss black double neck flying V and a Hexed custom Jackson pentagram V guitar Always uses a signature leather Give Em Hell strap.
Languages spoken: English, ASL/BSL/LSM, Spanish, Swedish, and some French
Personality: Rowdy, aggressive, careless, arrogant, antisocial, adrenaline junkie, and sometimes ruthless Rekker has a rough time making and keeping friends. A perfectionist when it comes to the arts he's involved in can make him abrasive to some. If someone can put up with his behavior, Rekker can be protective and, in his own way, very kind and giving. Much of Rekker's behavior stems from hidden and untreated depression. He feels lonely, isolated and misunderstood a lot of the time. Music, especially writing and playing, helps balance his personality and make him easier to get along with. He has battled with some self destructive behavior patterns (including direct and indirect self harm) in his past and sometimes has relapses. Prone to panic attacks and bouts of drug abuse; his brother Robert and his Hexed bandmates check on or have nurses check on Rekker almost daily.
Mental health diagnosis: Chronic depression with active suicidal ideation(Considered High Risk on suicide assessments with actual and self-aborted attempts), social anxiety related to intimacy and physical contact, panic attacks, autophobia (negative internal dialogue/self-loathing/self-hatred), crippling anxiety around failing social obligations, self harm/non-suicidal self injury in the form of cutting and extreme risk taking.
Current medical treatment: Vortioxetine/Trintellix, Wellbutrin/bupropion, lorazepam(as needed for anxiety attacks and insomnia), Primal Scream Therapy, Music Therapy, Individual Talk/CB-DB Therapy (done in a pool). He often refuses to go to therapy or stay on his medication without outside intervention.
Distinguishing marks: In the summer he gets a dusting of freckles across the bridge of his nose and cheeks. Rekker has the Hexed Pentagram on his left shoulder. He also has quite a few scars from his reckless and self destructive behavior over the years. He has a scar all the way down the inside of his left forearm from a suicide attempt and quite a few others on his arms from self harm, mostly in the form of cutting.
Skills: Guitar and bass, songwriting, singing; backing or lead, guitar construction and repair, horseback riding, driving, American Baseball, soccer, electrical repair, soundboard tech, recording, surfing, Music education, personal finance, contract negotiation. Understanding of therapy for trauma, depression and anxiety since he's been through most of them in an attempt to heal. Several forms of martial arts learned more for the mental discipline helping his mental health.
History: Rekker grew up in London as the youngest of four. His brothers 7 years and 9 years his elder and a sister 19 years his elder. He was born to older parents who didn't really want a fourth child but did their best. He got along with his brother usually but their sister treated him poorly. While Robert accepted his brother with a neutral tolerance, their sister actively made his life miserable. A huge rift formed between the boys and their sister which has never been repaired. Robert is the one who nicknamed him Rekker when they were young teens due to Derek's tendency to smash things when frustrated or angry. The name stuck, in part because Derek liked the name.
Derek picked up music early and his parents indulged it because it seemed to help with his poor behavior. However, they had plans for him to follow his brother into the military. He rebelled and as soon as he was able to moved to the United States. He spent the first year in New York City trying to find a band but soon headed out to the west coast. In San Francisco he finally found people to start a band with and make it. Hexed was a member of the emerging heavy metal scene and proved to be a great benefit to helping Derek self manage his mental health. Writing lyrics, especially, gave him an outlet for his emotions and internal negative dialogue. He apprenticed with a luthier to learn how to work on and build custom guitars. Many of his own guitars he build himself.
Hexed moved to LA as it became a more popular band. They had some rough patches and a couple line up changes that made the relationships rocky at times. At 22, Rekker slit his wrists and was found by his bandmate who had him rushed to the hospital. He was hospitalized for several weeks and required to undergo therapy. Rekker has had several partners but most don't stay long because of his mental health causing strain. He's forgiving of most of them but at 28 he had a girlfriend who left him, nothing new, but after a year he found out through the scene that she had a child and many people were convinced was his. Rekker tried to reach out to her and eventually showed up one day at her house with a bandmate. The babysitter let him see the baby and he spent about an hour with his daughter before his ex returned. A huge fight broke out and he left without much incident. The next day she had him committed to a psyche ward as unstable which probably saved his life since he was spiraling about being locked out of his daughter's life. He only has a couple pictures with her, taken by his bandmate, and cherishes them. He's never tried to see her again. She is about 14 now and he grieves her absence sometimes even if he doesn't know anything about her. After almost 20 years the band finally dissolved on, mostly, good terms since the other band members were several years older and wanted to retire. Derek has no desire to retire and is still looking for another band. In the meanwhile, Derek gets by repairing guitars and offering private lessons in guitar, vocals, and sound production. Despite is notorious reputation in the music industry Rekker is known as a patient and enthusiastic teacher and most of his students are teenagers. His specialty is teaching guitar and vocals to students who are deaf or hearing impaired.
Though broken up there are rumors that Hexed may get back together to write another album.
Invited to tour with other bands, Rekker clashed with some of the Glam musicians at first, particularly Bjorn. Being at each other's throats turned to dating which smoothed out fears from the other musicians that Rekker and Bjorn would cause the tour to implode. Several months into the tour Rekker got engaged to Bjorn even if he's furious that they can't officially get married due to laws prohibiting them.
Rekker keeps a 5.5 foot Asian Water Monitor named Crusher. Crusher is well trained and knows tricks and walks on a leash. Rekker sometimes takes her to the beach with him.
People:
Brother: Robert Sterling:thisisgroundcontrol
Brother: Martyn Sterling:stormwings
Partner: Bjorn Larssonmetallhuvud
HEXED:
Drummer: Devon Tornado:la_tornado
Bassist: Devil Dee:thrashdevil
Rhythm Guitarist and backing vocals: Missy Mayhem:miss_mayhem
NAME: Derek "Rekker" Sterling
Age: 43
Race: Human
Ethnicity: British (London) - Lives in Hollywood California and previously in New York City and San Francisco.
Eyes: Dark Hazel-Green
Hair: waist length Reddish-Strawberry blonde
Height: 6'1
Weight: Athletic ~195 lbs
Spiritual Tendencies: Atheist with some spiritual leanings; Existential/optimistic nihilism
Gender: Masculine Male
Sexuality: He's rarely interested in dating but Omnisexual when someone gets his attention
Occupation: Guitarist, songwriter/lyricist, guitar luthier - lead guitarist/singer for the heavy metal band Hexed- Avid surfer and occasionally an instructor
Guitar of Choice: Custom Designed Acid Green Flying King V based on a mix of the characters of the Gibson, Jackson and ESP V guitars. Also plays a custom gloss black double neck flying V and a Hexed custom Jackson pentagram V guitar Always uses a signature leather Give Em Hell strap.
Languages spoken: English, ASL/BSL/LSM, Spanish, Swedish, and some French
Personality: Rowdy, aggressive, careless, arrogant, antisocial, adrenaline junkie, and sometimes ruthless Rekker has a rough time making and keeping friends. A perfectionist when it comes to the arts he's involved in can make him abrasive to some. If someone can put up with his behavior, Rekker can be protective and, in his own way, very kind and giving. Much of Rekker's behavior stems from hidden and untreated depression. He feels lonely, isolated and misunderstood a lot of the time. Music, especially writing and playing, helps balance his personality and make him easier to get along with. He has battled with some self destructive behavior patterns (including direct and indirect self harm) in his past and sometimes has relapses. Prone to panic attacks and bouts of drug abuse; his brother Robert and his Hexed bandmates check on or have nurses check on Rekker almost daily.
Mental health diagnosis: Chronic depression with active suicidal ideation(Considered High Risk on suicide assessments with actual and self-aborted attempts), social anxiety related to intimacy and physical contact, panic attacks, autophobia (negative internal dialogue/self-loathing/self-hatred), crippling anxiety around failing social obligations, self harm/non-suicidal self injury in the form of cutting and extreme risk taking.
Current medical treatment: Vortioxetine/Trintellix, Wellbutrin/bupropion, lorazepam(as needed for anxiety attacks and insomnia), Primal Scream Therapy, Music Therapy, Individual Talk/CB-DB Therapy (done in a pool). He often refuses to go to therapy or stay on his medication without outside intervention.
Distinguishing marks: In the summer he gets a dusting of freckles across the bridge of his nose and cheeks. Rekker has the Hexed Pentagram on his left shoulder. He also has quite a few scars from his reckless and self destructive behavior over the years. He has a scar all the way down the inside of his left forearm from a suicide attempt and quite a few others on his arms from self harm, mostly in the form of cutting.
Skills: Guitar and bass, songwriting, singing; backing or lead, guitar construction and repair, horseback riding, driving, American Baseball, soccer, electrical repair, soundboard tech, recording, surfing, Music education, personal finance, contract negotiation. Understanding of therapy for trauma, depression and anxiety since he's been through most of them in an attempt to heal. Several forms of martial arts learned more for the mental discipline helping his mental health.
History: Rekker grew up in London as the youngest of four. His brothers 7 years and 9 years his elder and a sister 19 years his elder. He was born to older parents who didn't really want a fourth child but did their best. He got along with his brother usually but their sister treated him poorly. While Robert accepted his brother with a neutral tolerance, their sister actively made his life miserable. A huge rift formed between the boys and their sister which has never been repaired. Robert is the one who nicknamed him Rekker when they were young teens due to Derek's tendency to smash things when frustrated or angry. The name stuck, in part because Derek liked the name.
Derek picked up music early and his parents indulged it because it seemed to help with his poor behavior. However, they had plans for him to follow his brother into the military. He rebelled and as soon as he was able to moved to the United States. He spent the first year in New York City trying to find a band but soon headed out to the west coast. In San Francisco he finally found people to start a band with and make it. Hexed was a member of the emerging heavy metal scene and proved to be a great benefit to helping Derek self manage his mental health. Writing lyrics, especially, gave him an outlet for his emotions and internal negative dialogue. He apprenticed with a luthier to learn how to work on and build custom guitars. Many of his own guitars he build himself.
Hexed moved to LA as it became a more popular band. They had some rough patches and a couple line up changes that made the relationships rocky at times. At 22, Rekker slit his wrists and was found by his bandmate who had him rushed to the hospital. He was hospitalized for several weeks and required to undergo therapy. Rekker has had several partners but most don't stay long because of his mental health causing strain. He's forgiving of most of them but at 28 he had a girlfriend who left him, nothing new, but after a year he found out through the scene that she had a child and many people were convinced was his. Rekker tried to reach out to her and eventually showed up one day at her house with a bandmate. The babysitter let him see the baby and he spent about an hour with his daughter before his ex returned. A huge fight broke out and he left without much incident. The next day she had him committed to a psyche ward as unstable which probably saved his life since he was spiraling about being locked out of his daughter's life. He only has a couple pictures with her, taken by his bandmate, and cherishes them. He's never tried to see her again. She is about 14 now and he grieves her absence sometimes even if he doesn't know anything about her. After almost 20 years the band finally dissolved on, mostly, good terms since the other band members were several years older and wanted to retire. Derek has no desire to retire and is still looking for another band. In the meanwhile, Derek gets by repairing guitars and offering private lessons in guitar, vocals, and sound production. Despite is notorious reputation in the music industry Rekker is known as a patient and enthusiastic teacher and most of his students are teenagers. His specialty is teaching guitar and vocals to students who are deaf or hearing impaired.
Though broken up there are rumors that Hexed may get back together to write another album.
Invited to tour with other bands, Rekker clashed with some of the Glam musicians at first, particularly Bjorn. Being at each other's throats turned to dating which smoothed out fears from the other musicians that Rekker and Bjorn would cause the tour to implode. Several months into the tour Rekker got engaged to Bjorn even if he's furious that they can't officially get married due to laws prohibiting them.
Rekker keeps a 5.5 foot Asian Water Monitor named Crusher. Crusher is well trained and knows tricks and walks on a leash. Rekker sometimes takes her to the beach with him.
People:
Brother: Robert Sterling:
thisisgroundcontrolBrother: Martyn Sterling:
stormwingsPartner: Bjorn Larsson
metallhuvudHEXED:
Drummer: Devon Tornado:
la_tornadoBassist: Devil Dee:
thrashdevilRhythm Guitarist and backing vocals: Missy Mayhem:
miss_mayhem
no subject
Date: 2021-08-22 01:52 am (UTC)***Watching people suffer for their mistakes or getting hurt doing foolish things; music, especially playing music.
2. What gives them goosebumps.
***Music, all sorts of music. surfing sometimes
3. Do they like to sing
***He loves to and is a professional singer; both lead and backing vocals
4. Do they snore
**Not usually unless he has gotten into sleeping pills
5. What do they do to comfort themselves
***Rekker would say there is no comfort for him. However, he does find some in teaching children and animals as well as time with this brother.
6. Best way to make them fall asleep
***Sleeping pills or booze probably. Rekker has very poor sleeping patterns due to insomnia. Soothing his night terrors when he has them.
7. Favorite childhood toy
***Following Tom and Robert around to do reckless things... whatever his older brother thought was cool
8. Where do they blush (ears, cheeks, nose etc.)
***He does rarely, pink across the nose, on the ears and sometimes the upper chest.
9. Do they win snowball fights
***Start, win and probably dangerous to be in one since he will melt them up into ice balls before throwing them.
10. Do they win pillow fights
****He's never been in one but he would try to win.
11. Do they win tickle fights
***He is ticklish but tickling him is dangerous
12. Favorite game to play
***Surfing?, baseball, horse racing, car racing
13. Best way to cheer them up
***Leaving him alone to his own time or listening to or playing music in silence. Take him to see live music
14. Do they cry at sad stories
***Not around anyone else
15. How are they with kids
***Rekker is wonderful with kids; kind and patient.
16. What never fails to make them laugh
***People he dislikes failing, a well placed prank, a good insult or use of words
17. Favorite animal
****Monitor lizards and horses, especially the American Mustang
18. Favorite time of year
***Summer
19. Favorite holiday
***He doesn't really like any of them, Robert's birthday maybe?
20. Favorite snack
***M&Ms and Doritos
21. Do they like sweets
***Chocolate candy
22. Favorite snuggle position
***He really hates people touching him and isn't really a romantic cuddler most of the time. He would rather be the soother than the one being soothed if he has to and then only fatherly type snuggling with children.
23. Are they a blanket hog
***He's never really shared a bed with anyone long term enough.
24. Are they afraid of bugs
***No. He loves them. The creepier the better.
25. How difficult is it to get them out of bed
***Sometimes. His depression makes getting up very difficult some days.
26. Are they good at video games
****He's reasonably good at them.
27. Any pets
***Crusher, his female water monitor and Pandora his mustang mare who now lives on his brother's homestead in England.
28. Can they keep that houseplant alive
***Yes, he has quite a few in his house.
29. Do they like to dance
***No, not really but he can.
30. Favorite funny memory
***He has a lot of them. Despite his angry disposition he can be goofy and strange sometimes
31. Favorite childhood memory
***He doesn't have many but most of them involve Robert.
32. Favorite story to tell
***About coming to America and his first nights in New York City.
33. Most embarrassing memory
***He's never really embarrassed though there is an interview of his older sister talking down about him and his career which he hates.
34. Do they collect anything
***Guitars
35. What makes them happy to think about
***Music, time with his brother, Crusher.
Love Language
Date: 2021-12-23 03:16 am (UTC)holding hands
listening to the other’s heartbeat
spooning at night – As the big and very protective spoon
hugging each other
carrying the other one in his arms or over his shoulder
Gentle touch when he is down
whispering in their ear or him whispering in the other
Random, playful kisses
pulling the other one towards them
feeling for each other in the dark
Back or arm caressing, giving or receiving
washing the other’s body and/or hair
sitting on his lap and being held
Sitting or leaning against the other
Laying with his head in their lap - or theirs in his
Hugging others from behind
Insulting language turned to flirting
Playful, friendly teasing
Including the other in everything he does, if they want to be.
Napping close to each other
Gift giving
Telling others about his partner's best qualities/accomplishments
Cooking for the other, ensuring their basic needs are taken care of
Others reminding him to take his medication, go to therapy, checking in on his mental health (even if he baulks at it when it happens)
Publicly showing affection and pride in his partner
Fighting for his partner
Sex, sexual contact, physical intimacy as the dominant partner
Gentle love bites (Or sometimes not so gentle ones depending on the other's preference)
Being scratched, gently or not so gently sometimes
Willingness to struggle against his anxiety and depression to do something he knows makes the other happy.
Writing music for someone
His partner wearing his things (Thank you Bjorn for revealing this)
Inviting them into his private space; particularly his home
Teaching someone or putting in the effort to learn from someone else
Long hugs/moments of physical intimacy when being reunited with someone who has been away
Leaving little drawings or doodles in suitcases or pockets for others to find later
Protecting others from the media circus around his, or their, fame
Giving compliments
Calling a partner beautiful or perfect.
Enduring minor annoyances because it is something the other really loves. (though he might tease about it playfully)
Watching the other light up/get excited to see him
Willingness to be vulnerable around the other person