Rekker was nearing 30 years of talking about his mental health with people and well over 20 in therapy. He'd learned to be frank so people knew exactly what he was facing because otherwise they couldn't help him in the moments when he was no help to himself.

"I feel pain." Rekker mentioned between sips of coffee. "The wiring is wrong in my head. Pain feels better to me than it should." He wasn't going to say any more than that because it got into territory that he thought might make Isamu uncomfortable. "You're not the only one who's mentioned that. I've been through most of the psychiatric treatments available at some point. I've found a combination that keeps me functional about 90% of the time."

Which Rekker was pleased with now that he recognized there were moments, sometimes long stretches, where he was close to non-functional as a person.