Rekker was mentally numb by this point and not thinking straight. Everything was through the lens of pain that had clouded his thoughts. He was staring at that broken piece of mirror though between the slots of the decking. Hearing the Swede say "I love you" brought on the desire to cut more. In his current state he simply could not believe it was true.
"If I wanted to die, you would have found me cold and dead." The numbness and distance is in Rekker's voice. He's despairing over being unloved and unlovable even with Bjorn there holding him. He hissed out a breath from the burning sensation the singer's touch caused to all the cuts on his arms. Somehow the pain felt more real than the reason for the closeness. He laid there limply in the Swede's arms, unfocused and not wanting to deal with anything.
"Leave me alone." Rekker pulled away to lay on the porch. He wanted the singer to stay but internally had convinced himself that he wouldn't. Not only was he plagued by earlier thoughts but the upset, clear in Bjorn's voice, made it obvious to the Brit that he was too much for him to deal with and he would leave like all the others had.
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Date: 2021-10-30 08:04 pm (UTC)"If I wanted to die, you would have found me cold and dead." The numbness and distance is in Rekker's voice. He's despairing over being unloved and unlovable even with Bjorn there holding him. He hissed out a breath from the burning sensation the singer's touch caused to all the cuts on his arms. Somehow the pain felt more real than the reason for the closeness. He laid there limply in the Swede's arms, unfocused and not wanting to deal with anything.
"Leave me alone." Rekker pulled away to lay on the porch. He wanted the singer to stay but internally had convinced himself that he wouldn't. Not only was he plagued by earlier thoughts but the upset, clear in Bjorn's voice, made it obvious to the Brit that he was too much for him to deal with and he would leave like all the others had.